The Talk
by Garnet Avi
Summary: Sex is just a bit more... complex in the wizarding world than in ours. One-shot


Summary: Making love, doing the vertical tango, knocking boots... sex is a lot of things to a lot of people. To many, it is more than just the physical act. Emotion is very tied-in, love can be very important, and conception is quite a possibility. Some would say love is a purely magical experience... and is there anything more magical that creating life? So what does sex mean to those to whom magic is a large part of life?

A/N: I personally prefer the idea of spiritual/magical forces forming natural balances. I think that masculinity and femininity are two such balances, and that that would have a profound importance to sex, which I'm viewing as a spiritual/magical experience between people. The theory itself is anti-slash, but this is about magic, not morality, so don't go whining about "homophobia" or some such nonsense.

Warning! Blatant discussion of sexuality and emotions. If you are too immature to read this, don't. It's not explicit; the rating is for "adult content" of the serious discussion kind..

Disclaimer: None of this is real. If you can't deal with that, you shouldn't be reading fiction.

* * *

**The Talk**

It was a bright, sunny Saturday, and they day promised to be one of those beautiful summer days on which your parents kick you out of the house. Harry only wished he could be so lucky. He, of course, had no parents, but the worst part was he was stuck under a sort of house arrest in the gloomiest house he'd ever had the displeasure of being in, Number 12 Grimmauld Place. To make it worse, most of the windows in the house were obscured for one reason or another and Harry was sure he hadn't seen even a beam of sunlight since coming here two weeks ago.

There were, of course, payoffs. Mrs. Weasley had made her famous you're-not-gonna-be-able-to-move-until-noon breakfasts, and most of the people Harry could consider even a little like family was there. Sirius Black, of course, never woke up before 2 pm, but Remus Lupin was reading the Daily Prophet across the table while Hermione chatted Ron's ear off about the uses of Egyptian runes in weather spells. Ron had perfected nodding and making affirmative noises years ago and even managed to do so effectively while eating. The metamorphmagus auror from the Order was there, looking half-dead as she guzzled coffee, and so was the entire Weasley clan. Minus Bill, Charlie, and Percy. And, now that Harry thought about it, Ginny.

Just at that moment, conjured by his thoughts (he is the main character, after all), the girl in question strode in in a huff. Her obvious bad attitude was ignored in large part by her family, as Harry had recently learned families were wont to do (she's a teenager: who has the time to bother _every_ time she's "in a mood"?), until she snapped at Ron for hogging the bacon.

"Ginny, there's plenty of bacon. If you're having one of _those_ days don't take it out on your brother," said Molly Weasley, who'd been in the kitchen and used her ESMP (Extra-Sensory Mom Perception) to step in at the opportune time.

The twins snickered and Ginny's ears turned pink. "Mom! It's not _that_... It's just," Ginny sighed, hesitating as if she wasn't a fourteen-year-old girl ready to bear her soul at the first opportunity for a bit of drama. "There was this guy I liked, and I owled him to, you know, talk, see if he wanted to go to Hogsmeade with me. But he said he wasn't interested 'cause he likes," she paused dramatically with a sigh, but Harry was already eating his breakfast again. This was not a topic that interested him, or Hermione, it seemed, for she was quietly scolding Ron about something. Ginny then continued, her pause having gone on for the optimum time to develop drama without losing her audience. "Guys."

Harry did not, however, miss Molly Weasley's gasp and dropped plates or the unnatural silence that followed. Harry looked up, confused, as the adults looked at Ginny in shock. Ginny looked extremely self-satisfied and much cheerier than she had been.

"At Hogwarts? They let someone like that into your school? Who is it? They don't let him..." Mrs. Weasley trailed off nervously, doing a "reparo" and "scorgify" quickly to clean up her mess.

"I don't know if I should say. He wanted me to keep it a secret," Ginny looked at her food haughtily, feigning disinterest now that her audience was thoroughly hooked.

"Ginevra," said Mr. Weasley seriously, "you need to tell us. This is quite a serious issue and the Headmaster must be informed immediately."

Hermione, in the mean time, looked scandalized. She couldn't seem to be quiet any longer and spoke up. "What does it matter if he's gay? It's not like he's hurting anyone, right? Why should he..." She trailed off as all the adults stared at her as if she'd grown a seconded head.

Then Mrs. Weasley's gaze softened. "Oh, Hermione, I forgot that you... And I suppose you don't know either, Harry?"

Attention suddenly on him, Harry shook his head. He didn't have a clue what they were talking about, but he supposed that was the point.

Remus cleared his throat. "If you're finished with your breakfasts, we'll talk in the parlor."

Hermione, looking puzzled, immediately stood up, followed by Harry. Ron looked a bit confused and a quick "You too, Ron." had the Golden Trio sitting awkwardly in the parlor with Remus Lupin awaiting the wizards' version of "the talk".

Remus Lupin stared at his students, wondering where to start. Not having children of his own, he had never thought that he would be teaching _this_ lesson, but circumstances…. Well, best to start with the basics.

"So, you all know about sex, right? How it's done and why?" he asked bluntly. This, he thought, would probably be the worst part, so best get it over with.

Ron had turned red as he nodded.

"Yes, my parents told me when I was 7," Hermione stated primly, looking entirely unaffected by it. "And they told me about how gay sex works when I was 10, if that's what you're going to tell us about."

Ron turned redder, if that was possible.

Remus put up a single finger to stop Hermione from continuing in that awkward vein. "Harry?"

Harry blinked. "I went to state school for five years and then lived in a dorm room with Seamus Finnigan for 4 years. Not to mention the boys in the Quidditch locker room." Harry seemed completely unaffected by the topic, but not willing to talk any further about it. Hermione looked surprised. "What? I'm 15 years old. You don't think I'd know by now?" Hermione looked embarrassed now.

"Umm, that's nice mate." Ron had done his best to block out his parents attempts to give him the Talk. He was distinctly uncomfortable talking about sex, even peripherally, since that incident with the twins. "Why are we here?" said Ron, redder than his hair and squirming uncomfortably in his seat.

"I'm getting to that. Be patient. I had to know where you three stood. I'm personally glad I don't have to be giving you three _that_ Talk," he straightened in his chair, before launching into the important parts of _this_ Talk. "Now, as you know, magic is very tied into the emotions. You've undoubtedly all done accidental magic when upset in some way, and there are spells, such as the Unforgivables and the Patronus charm, that require emotion to work correctly. Are you three following?" They nodded, wondering what this had to do with sex. "Well, sex is a very emotional experience, one of the most emotional experiences you can have. This, of course means your magic will be very involved when you have sex. It is not uncommon for slight accidental magics to occur while, err, _in flagrante_." He looked up at the three, and their expressions at that moment could be best described as "weirded out". "It's completely normal and nothing serious, of course. The accidental magic, that is. Sex is very serious. Having sex with someone who's compatible with you can form a permanent, unbreakable Soul Bond. Soul Bonds are great, but not until you're mature enough to deal with one…. Soul Bonds are equivalent to marriage, and the Ministry acknowledges them as such, by the way. Hermione, you might be interested to know that a magical marriage ceremony doesn't need a priest, like in the muggle world, only witnesses and consummation…. Where was I? Oh right, casual sex… if the person you have sex with is incompatible with you, it can throw your magic off quite a bit and you will have to do some sort of balancing ritual before it will work properly, unless you don't mind waiting months for it to right itself. So, you understand, right?"

Their expressions were still on the "weirded out" side of blank. They all silently decided they were never going to have sex.

Hermione broke the stupor first. "What does that have to do with homosexuality?" Ron's ears turned a bit pinker at even the mention of the word.

"Oh, right. This goes back to compatibility and balance. There's… it's…." He paused, thinking, then began again. "Are you familiar with the 'yin-yang' symbol of Eastern magics?" Hermione and Harry nodded, but Ron still looked hopelessly lost. Remus ignored that; Ron was wizard-raised and would catch on where Hermione and Harry might not've. "It's about the balances in the magical world: heaven and earth, black and white, male and female. There are fundamental differences in the magics of men and women. They _are_ equal magics, but not the same. It's similar to the way as having sex with someone incompatible can hurt your magic; only having sex with someone of the same sex is much worse. It is very common for someone who does so to become a squib. There have been cases, though, where the incompatible energies reacted even more strongly and killed both parties instantly, also causing massive damage to their surroundings in the process. That is why Molly is so worried about this boy Ginny was talking about."

They all stared at him, wide eyes, for a infinite second, the three teenagers not knowing how they should respond. Then, "So, you're saying a wizard having gay sex could…. explode?" Hermione said with wide eyes.

Remus thought for a second. "Exactly."

The Trio looked at each other. They were definitely never having sex.

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I'm very happy with my characterization. They were all (dun dun dun) teenagers. Especially drama-queen!Ginny and whatever!Harry. 

The whole magical theory is quite a bit more complex than that (in my head), but this is just the Talk to teenagers and doesn't need to explain the exact metaphysical interactions involved in sex. For that you have to take the advance course.

I know that rape would be a question here (make someone a squib), but I didn't what to muck with the humorous flow of the story with such a dark topic. Suffice it to say non-consensual sex is not magically even similar to real sex, and as it is also a very emotional experience (negatively) it is very likely to backfire upon the rapist, as the victim's magic responds, helping the victim (i.e.: bad idea).

This is an idea I've had floating around for a while, and I wanted to get it out there. I hope it inspires someone in their fics (please tell me if it does) and if you are a slasher, don't be offended, it's just fiction. Check out "Of Misery and Mystery" by TheWingedWhispered. It's a slash and the latest chapter has an interesting bit about casual sex and wizards that I quite liked.

Well, I talk too much when allowed, so I'm cutting myself off. Please tell me what you think.

Avi

Last edit: 21 Feb. 2008


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